If you grew up with teachers and the adults in your life praising you for your aptitude or abilities, chances are you have experienced fixed mindset. The message you received over and over again was, “You’re so smart.” or “You’re the best artist- always winning every competition.” You may remember feeling frustrated as a child when you couldn’t succeed at something you wanted to do and thinking to yourself, “I can’t.” “I’m not smart enough.” “I’m not skilled enough.” or “I’ll never be good at this.” Can you see the black and white mentality here? You either are or are not. There is no middle ground. Some may even remember a parent, teacher, or coach saying, “You don’t have what it takes. You will never be able to reach that goal.” A fixed mindset comes from the belief that your qualities, skills, intelligence, and talents are carved in stone. You get the message that who you are, is who you are- no room for growth or improvement. Due to the fixed and unchangeable perception of abilities, somewhere along the line, you decide to throw in the towel or say to yourself, “I may as well not try. I’ll never be good enough.” You succumb to your perceived “reality.”
On the other hand, if you grew up learning that skills and achievement come through hard work and effort, chances are you may have a growth mindset. You may remember growing up and loving a good puzzle and the challenge of it. You could sit for hours happily engaged and eager to connect the pieces. If you bombed a test, your teacher may have come alongside you and encouraged you to work with her until the material you were struggling with became more comfortable. She may have told you that everyone learns differently and that she would help you to discover the way that works best for you. As a child, you grow up learning that you can do it, but you will have to apply yourself and work hard to succeed. At home, your mom may have complimented you on the thought and effort you put into a school project or one of your chores. The measure of success was not in the outcome it was in the process. These interactions have a lasting impact on the way you perceive the world.
Mindset is defined as the established set of attitudes held by someone.
How are mindsets learned? Parents, teachers, and coaches greatly influence a mindset. It’s difficult to see past your abilities if all you ever hear as a child is: “You’re so smart.” or “Great job on winning the race!” or “Look at this report card! All ‘A’s!” Your abilities and accomplishments become the primary focus to the point that it feels like your measure of worth is caught up in the number on the test or letter on the report card. Errors or mistakes can wreak havoc on a fixed mindset individual. They are reminders that they did not measure up and those perceived errors and mistakes can have lasting negative consequences.
As a child, when you are praised for the strategy and effort you put into solving a problem or accomplishing a task, you learn that the value is in the process, which is a growth mindset. It is about diligence, hard work, effort, and persistence not the natural ability, talents, or intelligence you are born with. You may not win the gymnastics competition, but if your father comes alongside you and praises you for the time and effort you’ve spent training and the passion you put into your performance, growth mindset is fostered and learned.
For growth mindset individuals, there is no such thing as errors or mistakes, just opportunity for growth and deeper understanding. Their world is open to possibility. When confronted with a challenge, growth mindset individuals go right into problem-solving mode. They love the thrill of a challenge. They enjoy going to work trying to puzzle out an answer. They are able to hunker down and put in countless hours attempting to come up with a solution to the problem. The reward comes through the process not in arriving at the solution. Of course, finding a solution is great, but it was all the challenge that made the hard work and effort stimulating, rewarding, and exciting. Growth mindset individuals tend to rise to the challenge. They eagerly go to work enjoying the process. They are not held back by their perceived ability. History and experience have taught them that if they put their minds to it, there is nothing they cannot do.
Being noticed or praised as a child for your hard work feels good. Hard work is something that lives within you and can be resourced whenever necessary. With hard work, you can accomplish anything you put your mind to, and the world is seen through the lens of opportunity. On the other hand, if you were noticed and praised for your natural ability to achieve, what happens when that is not enough, or the circumstances or problem call for more? If all you know is “my ability” and “my ability” runs out, then what? A fixed mindset individual does not see a way out. He feels stuck and often resorts to these types of behavior: 1) Give up and walk away saying to himself, “I’m not enough” or 2) Begin arguing and providing excuses to prove his worth and protect his ego, or 3) Find someone else to blame, or 4) Belittle and undermine others to “prove” himself, and protect his ego, so he does not feel bad. In cases where you need to put your ego before the needs or welfare of others, everyone loses. Success comes from learning and improving, not just winning.
Fixed mindset individuals tend to become disengaged when they encounter a mistake or an error. It’s easier to blame someone else than to take responsibility for their action or inaction. A highly intelligent man with a fixed mindset may never reach his full potential because when he encounters a problem or difficulty arises, he becomes disengaged. He does not have the problem-solving skills to cope with; he has never had to rely on them.
He may become intent on proving his superiority and can become aggressive, manipulative, and competitive to “prove” himself if he feels truly threatened. He may even lie to hide his “faults” and lie about others to make himself feel better. He will do whatever it takes to “save face” or prove himself. Vengeful attacks may follow on anyone that has brought their faults or failures to light. If left unattended, this can snowball out of control destroying businesses, families, communities, and relationships.
On the other hand, a growth mindset individual may not be the most intelligent or score the highest grade on the SAT, but he can go on to achieve all As on his report card because he’s developed the ability to work hard and stay focused. He will remain engaged with learning especially in the face of difficulty. He will truly enjoy the discovery process and care more about learning than grades. Over time, he’s realized a valuable life lesson: If you apply yourself, work hard, and enjoy the process, you can get anywhere you want to go.
A well-meaning athletic coach may tell a growth mindset individual, “You do not have what it takes to be the best or compete.” This comment may sting the individual, but it is short-lived. A growth mindset individual can see past that person’s opinion or comment. Deep down, the growth mindset individual knows that with hard work, focus, and dedication, anything is possible. The coach’s demotivating comment may be all the fuel and motivation the individual needs to find a way to prove him wrong.
Growth mindset individuals can handle constructive criticism and can openly admit their faults or failings. They do not see their worth tied up in their mistakes or errors. They see an opportunity to learn and grow. They love learning and are eager to fail forward, dust themselves off, and keep on going. Of course, people differ greatly in intelligence, talents, abilities, and temperaments, but growth mindset individuals can change and grow through application and experience. They see life as a process of evolution where they learn from mistakes and keep aspiring to learn, do, and be more. Growth mindset individuals have a natural sense of curiosity about the world around them. They ask many questions and genuinely listen and are eager to learn more.
Can mindsets be changed? YES! There is hope! We are all mixtures of both mindsets. We may have a propensity for one or the other, but the great news is that we can learn to approach life from more of a growth mindset.
As a coach, it is my honor and privilege to walk alongside my clients and teach them how to look at challenges in new ways. I enjoy getting curious with my clients about choices, mistakes, and decisions, so we can seek out new strategies, grow, and learn. One of my favorite things about coaching is opening a client’s eyes to a new way of being without needing to think about being different. Learning to love challenges and viewing mistakes as opportunities is part of the “secret sauce” I use to help my clients transform their lives. With the necessary support system, an individual’s mindset can change, but as with anything, the individual must want to be different.