You may be suffering a loss of identity if you’re feeling dead on the inside… Or are you feeling like you are sleepwalking through a life you no longer recognize? Feeling like you are going through the movements but not living?
Do you gaze in the mirror and no longer distinguish the person staring back at you? Are you feeling stuck? Depressed? You may be asking yourself, is this my life?
You are not alone.
Your identity is what makes you up on the inside. It’s made up of both positive and negative traits. It is a combination of your strengths, talents, and passions.
It’s made up of the things you do, the things you love, and the things you care about.
How Can a Loss of Identity Affect Your Life?
A loss of identity can affect many areas of your life. That includes increased:
- Social anxiety
- Loneliness
- Low self-esteem
- Depression
- Lower self-confidence
When you feel out of sorts, it affects your ability to connect with others.
What Causes a Loss of Identity?
A loss of identity can be the direct result of:
- Traumatic events
- Life changes
- Changes in relationship status (separation and divorce)
- Losing a loved one
- Changing or losing jobs
- Health or medical issues (including athletic injuries)
- Getting married
An unexpected life change can derail us all at once and cause us to lose a sense of who we are. But often, it is a slow process. We do not see it happening, and we never expect its arrival.
We’re okay until all of a sudden, we’re not.
Despair, frustration, disappointment, grief, and even anger set in. A sense of hopelessness and helplessness starts to overwhelm and depress us.
One day we wake up and wonder, how’d I get here?
How Did I Get Here?
It doesn’t matter how you got to this place–whether this was unexpected or something you knew was coming. The pain is the same. You may be grieving the life you once had.
You may be desperately wishing for it to come back, or you are kicking and screaming as it’s being torn from you. Perhaps this is happening against your will, or maybe it’s a choice you had to make.
Either way–the struggle is real.
Signs That You’ve Lost Your Identity
Maybe you recently retired from a 30-year long career as a middle school teacher. And you don’t know how to function without working with children all day. You loved feeling needed and essential.
You enjoyed making a difference and impacting the lives of others, and now that’s gone. What will you do? How will you fill up your days? Who are you outside of this role as a teacher?
Maybe you’re finding yourself right smack in the middle of life and wondering, now what? Perhaps you are struggling with regret and realizing that your life could have turned out much differently. If only you had made different choices or took an alternate path.
Now you feel stuck in a life you don’t want to live. You are overwhelmed by your reality and desperate for change.
Maybe you are suffering an injury that has taken you away from a sport you love. And you’ve lost your identity as an “athlete.” The years spent running and training for marathons have come to a screeching halt.
Your outlet for stress relief is gone. People used to know you like that fit guy who runs all the time, but now that is gone.
You are still eating like you are running 50+ miles a week, and you are starting to put on the pounds. You feel miserable. You miss feeling like you are good at something. You miss having something to pour yourself into.
You miss the challenge of pushing yourself to meet new goals. You miss the excitement of crossing the finish line or seeing your name in the paper for ranking in your age group.
It feels like a piece of you is missing, and you don’t know how to get it back.
5 Steps to Get Your Identity Back
An identity crisis can occur at any point when we’re faced with a challenge. A challenge that forces us to question our sense of self. What significant life change has sent you reeling?
It’s time to call a timeout.
1. Understand
First thing, first. Your identity doesn’t come from earthly achievements. Your identity isn’t based on what you do or your role in a relationship. Your identity—the only one that matters comes from the Lord.
You are a child of God.
2. Look Within
3. Re-evaluate
4. Support
Finding support and looking for outside help is crucial to see what is missing.
5. Still, Stuck?
I’m always here to help.
Look, downing another glass of wine to swallow down your needs and emotions isn’t going to work. Tomorrow you’re going to wake up to face the same mess—your mess. There’s no magic pill to take.
You’re going to have to do the hard work and put in the time if you want to see lasting change.
The good news is that you CAN get there! You can get past this and re-discover and re-invent yourself!
You’ve got a choice to make. Are you going to do something about it? Are you willing to take a hard look at who you are now and figure it out?
It takes courage, support, acceptance, perseverance, honesty, accountability, and a willingness to look beneath the surface.
The question now is, are you ready?
You can do it!
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